Some days exhaustion creeps in and I feel worn down and beat up and much older than my 34 years would suggest… but such is life for many of us. There is little downtime and not much R&R. Instead, my days begin with barbells and lifting shoes, chalk buckets and timers. They’re filled with slobbery kisses and walks to the park, cleaning of messes and shuttling to programs, making of lunches and see-you-later hugs. They end with my work, my patients, my passion. Life is good. I have happiness and health and peace of mind. But life is busy.
I often feel more tired on a Monday than I do on a Friday, after we’ve squeezed in as much family fun as we can on precious weekend days. If you ask me what I’m up to for the coming weekend, I will often say “not much”, and that’s only a half-truth. To me, “not much” weekends create a chance to get caught up on family adventures and household chores. To get caught up on life. This past weekend’s “not much” turned into Spring yard cleanup, hosting friends, church, hot yoga, and dinner in TO. Throw in online banking, Summer vacation research, and nursery school paperwork, and there was no sit-down-and-do-nothing time. Gone are the days of sleeping in, long runs, and leisurely brunches, and here are the days of early-risers, building forts, and playing Lego. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I thrive on tasks to complete and projects to juggle, and I’m far more productive and efficient when time is a factor. But what I do need to change, what I do need to balance, what I do need to manage is “off time”. Time where I sit and do… nothing. And actually enjoy it.
The problem I have, and perhaps many do, is that when I’m doing nothing, I’m thinking about what I could be doing. What I could be accomplishing. What I could be checking off my to-do list. Maybe it’s the planner in me, maybe it’s the mother in me, maybe it’s the ‘Type A’ in me. What can I say, I’m a first-born female Virgo; it’s my nature. The guilt creeps in, the mental checklist creeps in, the need to achieve, to perform, to do more creeps in. So I’m adding a new to-do-list item: do nothing.
What am I up to this weekend? Not much. Nothing.