“If Children Live with Friendliness, they Learn the World is a Nice place in which to Live.”

Leave a comment January 9, 2017 drworobec

I had a group of friends over one morning through the Christmas break. There were five of us, just a casual coffee-and-muffin kinda thing after our workout. It was a chance to catch up and snag some girlfriend time in a world that needs more girlfriends. Meanwhile, my kids were loving the extra action in our living room, and proudly demonstrated their toy saxophone skills, played Spot It with a new audience, and snacked right along with us on the food platters spread out on the coffee table.

I loved it.

I loved it because I love low-key, last-minute get-togethers. I loved it because I love to show my children the value and importance of nurturing friendships. I loved it because they were involved too.

We host friends quite regularly and as much as we can, we try to keep our children involved in those gatherings. Come to think of it, we try to keep our children involved in everything we do. They often visit my workplace, watch sporting events at my husband’s school, and tag along to the gym. We take them to festivals and rodeos, baseball games and the movies, live theatre and hotel overnights. We try to expose them to a life well-lived and well-loved. I take live-in-the-moment advice to heart, and I’ll chose experiences over stuff every time.

But I think these friendship experiences are especially important for them to be a part of, and help to build the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. In those couple of hours on a wintery holiday morning, they learned some important social lessons like not interrupting a person’s story, how good a belly laugh feels, and how fulfilled someone can be just by hosting people in their home. They watched, they listened, they observed, they contributed. They grew.

“What was your highlight today?” I asked them, as I often do, during their baths that night. “Having your friends over,” they said. Me too kids, me too.

She was there.

2 Comments October 24, 2016 drworobec

I feel so happy.

I’ve just had a three-day visit with Shannon, one of my very best friends. She flew from Calgary, just for the weekend; a quick little getaway to use up some airline points and get in some girl time. She left her husband and two young boys at home, and when she left my place yesterday afternoon, she said to my kids,

“Thank you for sharing your mom with me.”

Such an interesting comment, and so applicable to this stage in our lives. You see, the last time she visited Burlington was in the Spring of 2009, when I was a brand new, first-time mother. On that visit, she had her husband and 18-month-old son with her, and they came specifically to meet my newborn. I was still trying to figure out the new version of me, and the balancing act that comes with parenthood. My memories of that visit are scarce, muddled amongst sleepless nights, non-stop nursing, and piles of laundry. But she was there.

Her visit before that, in Spring 2006, is also foggy for me, but for a different reason: my bachelorette party. Shannon and my friend Sarah flew in to surprise me in Toronto, only a few months before my wedding. And as a control freak and a planner, let me tell you that I cannot be easily surprised. But they pulled it off, and whisked me through the TO club scene with a crown on my head and a bachelorette sash around my neck. She was there again.

Shannon and I have been friends for nearly 20 years now. We met in l997, at the University of Calgary, when we lived on the same floor in student residence. We were both raised in small-town, rural Alberta, and had a shared love of sports and boys, with some Type A stubbornness and ambition thrown into the mix. When we went back to our respective hometowns for our first mid-University Summer, we cried like we were going off to war, and when we returned back to school in the Fall, we celebrated like the Uni students we were. We’ve been through breakups and heartaches, cross-country moves and graduate school, weddings and babies, mistakes and accomplishments. We’ve travelled to Milk River and Sundre, Red Deer and Edmonton, New York City and Toronto, Vancouver and Vegas.

“Thank you for sharing your mom with me,” she said, and my heart was full. Because she gets it. She gets that my primary role around here, and to those little people, is mom. She also gets that my other roles are wife and chiropractor and friend. She knows the back-story that wrote my story and the blocks that built my life. She’s a part of my foundation, my memories, my past, my future. When the big stuff happens, she’s there. And when the little stuff happens, the stuff she doesn’t see because we live so far apart, she books a trip East to see for herself. “What do you want to do while you’re here?” I asked her when she booked her flight. “I want to see your life,” she said. So I showed her: she saw bedtimes and school drop-offs and CrossFit and downtown walks and hot tubs.

She was there. Just like she’s always been.

Plugged in

Leave a comment August 3, 2016 drworobec

I bring my kids with me to the gym often, especially in the Summer months, when my teacher husband is home and he and I get the chance to do a workout together. The kids are very used to this drill and part of the routine involves watching iPad videos. There’s a great front foyer at my gym; a large, open area overlooking the workout floor but separated by a half-wall. They set up their chairs, I set up the Netflix, and they don their headphones and lay out the snacks. For one hour, three or four days a week, they get an hour of iPad time and my husband and I get an hour of fitness and friends.

But I wonder about the judgement.

We almost always bring the iPad to the gym. They almost always use it for the entire hour. I almost always wonder if we should bring books and scooters instead.

Here’s the thing: we are pretty strict about screen time. My kids each get 20-30 minutes per day. Usually my son chooses an iPad game and my daughter chooses a Netflix cartoon, and in the Summertime, they often use their screen time right after breakfast. On CrossFit days, they use it at the gym. We are an active family with a busy life and we throw in a family afternoon movie once in a while and watch nearly all Jays games in their entirety. TV is a part of our life, but not a big part, so why do I feel so guilty about plugging them in while I work out? Perhaps it’s because of my worry about public perception or perhaps it’s because of the contradiction between their physical inactivity during my physical activity.

Whatever the reason, I’m trying to adopt my husbands stance on this (and on many things), “we do what’s right for our family.” Yes, we do. And this works for us.

The truth is, I’m not a huge TV person; my screen of choice is my phone. But I do enjoy decompressing on the couch at the end of the day, nearly every day, with my husband, the TV in the background and my iPhone in the foreground. My blog post last week talked about my need for daily solitude and downtime, both of which my kids deserve to have as well. And if that downtime is sometimes done in front of a screen for sixty minutes, then so be it.

My kids love coming to the gym. They love flipping on the rings, hanging from the pullup bars, swinging the kettlebells, and having their iPad time. And when they grow up and look back on Summer childhood memories, I know that an iPad screen will not be a major player. “We do what’s right for our family.” 3-2-1-Go.